No Good Story Ever Started With A Salad
It was just an ordinary salad, with no croutons, no onion, a handful of grape tomatoes & some radicchio, and a freshly made blue cheese dressing.
We sat in the restaurant, eating our “Salad Course” and shared some chit chat about the day which had transpired. I remarked that her dress was lovely, and, she in turn noticed & commented that she liked my hair cut.
Then it happened! The waiter came to our table stating they were out of lobster and “Would the lady like to select another entree?”
She fumed at the waiter saying “ Why didn’t you just let me know from the beginning there was no more lobster?”
The waiter frowned and advised my date that there was when he placed the order, but the table of 12 across the restaurant had all ordered lobster and there was only exactly one dozen left.
So again he asked, “Would the lady like to select a different entree?”
She got up from our table, and sachetted over to the boisterous table of 12. She demanded, on the spot, that ‘one of THEM’ give up their lobster and order something else since she had ordered a single lobster before they had ordered their full dozen!
The people at the table all started laughing at her, which made her even more angry! She reached into her purse and pulled out a small pistol, and started waving it around at the people in the group, asking, “Who’s the lucky S.O.B. who’s not dying tonight and giving up the lobster SHE ordered?”
The table fell quiet. Not one of them moved. She saw an older man who appeared to have not touched his plate yet, and she grabbed his lobster and told him, “No complaints, RIGHT?” pointing the gun on his face. The poor guy swallowed hard and said “Nnnnnnope!”
Then she turned to the rest of the table and said, “And who’s offering me a cigarette for my troubles?” Several men reached into their jacket pockets for a smoke, the closest to her even placing the cigarette between her lips.
She turned the gun toward the cigarette & pulled the trigger. “CLICK!” And a flame shot out the end and she lit up!
Then she strolled back to our table, where I proceeded to pull my jaw back up off the table top. We ate quietly, but occasionally she remarked how she never wanted to be returned to this restaurant again. I agreed.
I don’t know what happened to her. I don’t want to know what happened to her. I never asked her out again, changed my phone number & moved, leaving no forwarding address.
Victor